I feel so mean right now. As some of you know I decided to write another person and I was feeling a little bad about "cheating" on my first pal - although I know he wouldn't mind at all. Well after a couple of letters from the second pal I am not sure I am going to enjoy writing to him much. It's kinda funny actually - I am pretty emotional and needy when it comes to writing my first pal (he is a great support for me) and my second pal is very emotional and needy when it comes to writing me. When I get a letter from my second pal he goes on to say that he is lonely and no one writes him and all I can think is "well no wonder!!!" or "I can see why". I really do feel terrible that I am having that initial reaction to his letters. It's not that he is a bad person at all - sometimes I feel I am comparing to my first pal too much and that I should give him more of a go. I don't know what I am feeling. Is this my Karma for being impatient and writing someone else?? Grrrr just needed to vent about my feelings - "you can't control the way you feel but you can control what you do about it." I don't know what to do about how I am feeling......

Dear the Wylie,

No, it's not bad Karma.

He isn't from Huntsville, Texas is he?


I feel badly for you, anyway. I hear you.

Been there, Done that!

Good luck with your decision.

Diane

I started writing a guy a year ago. His first few letters he was quite needy, always depressed and down and out.

I wanted to give up, I tried to give up. I just couldn't. He is now one of my best pals. It took him some time to get into letter writing, and to get past what was draining him.

__________________

William Jennings Bryan

i guess from time to time we are ALL 'needy' in one way or another, but if you feel that he is going to 'bring you down' maybe the best thing is just to write short notes to him and concentrate on your 'special' pal?

I'd say hang in there with him for a while.

It sometimes takes these folks a long time to adjust, and it would appear that the longer the sentence the longer it takes.

Although I wasn't writing her at the time, my Pen Pal tells me that it took her two years just to dry out and get straight. She is halfway through a 15 year stretch, and over the past four years has come to realize that if she was not in prison, given her lifestyle on the street, she would probably be dead by now. That's not to say she likes prison, on the contrary she hates it, but it took her time to use her incarceration to her advantage.

She is doing some very good things while inside and some very serious and realistic planning for her release. All I have to do is chase away the blues and give the odd bit of advice to her.

So give it some months and see if there is any movement from him in a positive direction. Then make a decision.

Just my thoughts.

Tom

__________________
An eye for an eye and soon the whole world is blind!

"When I get a letter from my second pal he goes on to say that he is lonely and no one writes him and all I can think is "well no wonder!!!" or "I can see why". "

You could bring this up to him. You don't have to be mean about it, but sometimes it's good for someone to know what it is they did or do that drives people away. He's probably not aware of how his thoughts and actions are perceived by others. Who knows, if he knows what it is that bothers you, he might actually stop doing it.

Good point Niffers!

Tom

__________________
An eye for an eye and soon the whole world is blind!

I think you should just give him a little time and hopefully he will come around. good luck to ya.

Thanks heaps guys. Niffers I feel the same way you do about him maybe not knowing what he is doing. I am very good at subtly - I use it on my mum every day! I will try to put some in my letters and see how I go. He did mention in his letter that he could see me as someone that gets him to think about things in different ways and being able to offer good advice....??? I am going to bring out my stobborn personality and make it a goal to try to build a friendship and not just give up. Thank you all soo much for your insight!

Being behind bars does not give you happiness at all. Be patient they will come around.. It hard to feel happy when you are in a place with so much negativity.. There is nothing positive in there...Just continue to write this person he will come around... Explain to him or her in a letter how u feel.. That is opening up a door for new friendship...