Hi all! Just thought I'd try a little survey here. Please let me hear your thoughts and opinions, as I have found each post I have read here to be very interesting!
I don't know how many of you have actually gone to VISIT your pen pals in prison, so forgive me if it seems I am leaving some of you out of this discussion.
It is my opinion that the sentences these men and women serve, are not only served by the 'criminal' but by his or her family and friends as well. Let me try to explain....
A man is charged with a crime, and is sentenced to "x" amount of time. We, (their friends and family, etc.) write,send money to phone accounts or accept collect calls, and send money for them to use for neccessities and all that. We do this because we care for them. We, as their friends and family, oftentimes consider visitation with said 'criminals,' usually deciding to go. Okay, we're sent through all the processing in and shake down proceedures and that's all truly understandable. But what really gripes my A** is that at each and every turn, they/we have more and more privileges TAKEN away, without just cause. For example, the Visitor Handbook still says visits last from 8AM to 5:30PM, yet they only last until 2:30PM. They shortened them a long time ago, without giving any reason for it. Too, they have a smoking area. (Yes, I am a smoker, but please try to be openminded even if you're not one. : ) ) Last winter we were allowed to go in and smoke anytime we felt the need to feed our addictions. Now, since outside visits are over, they have changed the rules. We are only allowed to smoke every two hours. That's not the bad thing. The bad thing is that when they held an inmate counsel meeting and they asked the 'powers that be' why they opted for the new rule, they said it was a health issue. Helllloooo! Inmates don't get adequate healthcare anyway! So why start something like this and say it's a health issue? Not only that, when they asked why couldn't their visitors at least go into the smoking area more often, as they wanted us to be comfortable and they saw it as unfair to us, even if they wanted to take that privilege from the inmates themselves. You know what the answer to that was? "If anyone needs to smoke more than every two hours, they need to check their health. And, if the visitors need a cigarette THAT bad, they can always leave!" Forgive me, but I am not ABOUT to travel over 300 miles to LEAVE just to smoke!
Another way I feel we do the time as well as the inmates is the fact that so many prisons don't allow inmates to receive packages from anyone. I realize that the big issue here is the fact that a certain few have messed it up for all of us by sending in contraband of one kind or another. But why not restrict only the ones who are guilty of sending/receiving the 'no-no's'? At Christmas, it would be nice to be able to send something as simple as a homemade afghan or a pair of slippers. (My guy is VERY cold natured! LOL) It would warm my heart to be able to send him something to make him a little more comfortable, or something that would allow him to know there's someone out here who cares.
Never mind those who are innocent of the crime he or she is in for. Oh, I'm not stupid, I know that 90% of them are going to CLAIM to be innocent even if they are guilty. But in my case, my guy told me the truth behind his conviction. I took on his case, and have found MANY errors that caused him to be convicted (never mind there was no PHYSICAL evidence). So, it's even harder to deal with the fact that he isn't allowed so much as a handmade bookmark! What can he do with a bookmark that is so dangerous??
Okay...so now I am ranting (forgive me), but I feel that we do the time as much as they do. We suffer too. The only thing is, they are there, waking up to the same ol' thing day in and day out. Kind of like the movie Groundhog Day. Nothing much is ever different. The high point of the day is mail call.
Not only do we not get to allow them to feel a part of our celebrations such as gift giving at Christmas, but we miss those who can't be there. Let's not forget the parents of those incarcerated. When they become old, or ill, and NEED their child, they have to 'do the time' as well because they can't have them there when they are so desperately needed.
Ya know, the more I think about it, the more I think our justice system is messed up! Yes, we need laws and we need punishment for breaking the law. But to have to do life, double life, etc., for crimes that just, in my opinion, don't warrant life sentences just makes no sense to me! Like someone I know, he got LIFE for escaping! he didn't murder anyone, and he didn't hurt anyone....he didnt even STEAL anything. But he DID escape. What was his original charge? Armed robbery, and he didn't even fire his weapon....it was a toy! LOL!
Anyway, sorry for the LONG post. I just get carried away sometimes. I will try not to drone on and on so much. But, as my dad used to say...."Child, if you had to be quiet for more'n five minutes, the top of your head would blow off!" LMAO!!
Thanks for listening....Please let me know YOUR opinion, I AM TRULY interested in knowing if you agree, or if I am outta my tree! : )

I have to admit that i'm new to this, but my humanitarian side says that you're justified to feel the way that you do. The smoking law is a catch-22. Even here in New York, restaurants and bars are taking a beating because of the stringent laws that were passed. I think its a good thing that people care enough to reach out to some of these people that are less fornunate than we are and who are being punished for mistakes made, in some cases, a long time ago. I recently wrote to a girl that was given a life sentence at age 18 and it's a sobering thing to think about. She's 34 now and when i think about all shes missed in her life, it really breaks my heart. Compassion is what sets us above all else and i think that it takes a special person to care enough to reach out and try to spread some sunshine into someone else's life. The rules the prisons have seem very strict, but sometimes its just the way they go about doing things. The only thing you can do is perhaps write to the warden and voice your concern. The system is hard to change but what youre doing is admirable. Thats what really counts.

I agree with you 100%.
When is enough; enough.

gator, I agree 110%! :-) It is ridiculous to hand out life sentences let alone death sentences for "one moment in time"...not several successive crimes, not serial murder, but "one moment in time". Accidents do happen, even tragic ones. And sometimes life sentences are handed out for far, far less...there are LOTS of men doing life in CA now b/c of the state's 3 strikes law for what amounts to b.s. (like the guy who stole golf clubs and is doing life). Now as to the family of inmates doing time with them...

I agree there too. My guy is currently on CM, which is confinement. This month he will finally go back to open population after 2 long years of being locked in a tiny cell 24 hours a day. The first year he was permitted one 15-min call per month and one 1-hour non-contact visit every 2 months. It was devestating for his mom to NEVER hear her son's voice and when she was permitted to see him he was chained up behind a screen like a rabid dog. She was punished right along side him, as was his father and his sisters...and now me.

What really irritates me is he shouldn't even BE in confinement. And oh yes did I give his classification officer and the warden an earful on THAT lol! :-) Of course by the time I came into his life and found out all the particulars he was a stone's throw from CM3 so there wasn't much point in trying to legally do anything about it. Anyway, here's what happened:

My guy comes from a dirt poor family. He has been in prison for 10 years now. About the only thing he has to do in there since FL got rid of just about everything in the way of recreational for inmates is listen to the radio. His sister saved up her spare change for 2 YEARS to buy him a radio. He gets the radio and is very happy. Well, 2 fools in there decide they are going to take his radio. He decides he isn't going to let them. One jumps him, another stabs him, he fights back and breaks both their noses. All 3 are put on CM, the CO stating he's not supposed to fight back.

Okay now who would not fight back?!! Especially when it took you 2 years to get together the cash for the item in question. I'm sorry but that's the biggest bunch of b.s. I've ever heard. So he's punished for fighting back after getting stabbed no less! Then his family is punished b/c they can't talk to him regularly or hug him at visits or spend more than an hour with him. On top of that, this all stays on his prison record so he is deemed a "hard to manage" case...come parole board time it could screw up his chances if indeed any chance is there of being paroled. (He is one of only 5.5% of lifers in Florida who remains parole eligible after serving a mandatory 25 years b/c of the date of the crime in question.)

Anyway, gator, this is a very looong way of saying I couldn't agree with you more! :-)

lovethatgator, I hear your frustration, but I don't agree with you 100%. There is not enough room for the men in their cramped cells - much less alot of stuff sent in from the outside. A lot of the cells built for one man now hold two due to over-crowding. Prisons must staff the visitation rooms too. What if a guard calls in sick? Someone has to watch the prisoners, and the prisons have a budget too. As far as smoking - some prison systems have totally banned smoking. Your arguement that they get poor health care anyway - so who cares if they smoke (?) doesn't float. Smoking will eventually kill you no matter how good your access to healthcare....

Well, I am certainly enjoying the comments here! Thank you for your input!
Novel, I know what you're talking about. I know with my guy, they don't even allow family or friends to purchase items such as radios for them, let alone clothing such as underwear or socks they might need. They can only purchase such things from a special catalog, and even then, they are charged outrageous prices for very CHEAP made items.It's just ridiculous!
Bigdog, you make some very good points in your post. I agree that inmates don't have the room for the 'trivial' things some would receive, or even the good ol' neccessities for that matter, as some would indeed 'packrat' things away and take up more than their share of space. But I still feel that we should be able to purchase SOME things for them. Not a lot, just the things they truly need. But yes, you do have a point, one that I hadn't really considered.
As for healthcare, and how smoking will eventually kill you anyway.....You're right there too. But I still don't feel that they should be able to take things away from them without reason. I know we shouldn't do things that we KNOW damages our health. But still *shrugs*
I just can't help wondering where all the B.S. stops though. It's not fair to those of us who care for these people to constantly have to hear about so much being taken from these guys all the time. I know there are rules and there are good reasons for those rules most of the time. But for them not to be given a reason for them, to me that's just wrong. And for them to have to 'suffer' for someone else's mistakes isn't right either. But you have to deal with it as it comes I guess.
Novel, I can 'feel your pain' where your guy is concerned as far as his fighting back...They know they HAVE to fight back, otherwise they are viewed as being a '*****' and that's one of the worst things they could portray to be. It's better to fight back and take the consequences than not.

bigdog, I see where you are coming from, I really do. However, I feel the budget issues are the states' problems and not mine. They choose to lock young boys up and throw away the key for life rather than making the necessary changes in society to prevent many of these crimes from being committed in the first place...THEIR choice. And because it is their choice, I feel they should cough up the necessary funds to care for these young boys who grow to become old men behind bars in relative comfort. The FL doc website BOASTS about how the prisons have no air conditioning. Oh yeah there's a bragging point! Having lived in FL 15 years I can attest to the fact this should not be something one brags about...it is VERY HOT. Yes there are many law-abiding citizens who can't afford a/c and do w/o but the difference between them and incarcerated persons being the non-incarcerated are not smooshed together in tiny cells all but on top of each other. That's just one example of many I could go on and on about! :-P BTW bigdog, I hope you didn't take this rant as an attack...I never mean to come across that way so always try to make sure when discussing sensitive issues that it's clear discussing, not attacking, is my goal :-)

Exactly, gator. I believe it was flimflam who brought up the quandry of how one is to behave in prison...they have to act one way to get along with admin but a completely different way to survive in open population. I recall the first time I saw my p/p? He was scary looking to me! After wetting my suddenly cotton-dry lips I told him please not to narrow his eyes and walk towards me like he was stalking prey! He kinda flushed, then smiled and apologized, explained he hadn't always carried himself like that but he supposed he did now after having been in prison a decade. After that we had a great visit! :-)

novelwriter, you are preaching to the choir. I agree that conditions in the prisons are deplorable, but change will only happen when enough people push for change. As far as complaining because one can't smoke while visiting a prisoner - I say tough break. Lets complain about the important things that matter like poor food quality/quanity, inadequate housing and prison rapes. Too many people believe prisoners, "are getting what they deserve". They are the ones that need to be educated....

Bigdog, again, you have made some very valid points! But please, don't think it's only about smoking, that was only an example of what I was trying to put forth. While I am a smoker, I do not try to pull the 'smokers' rights' card out and wave it around. It was, as I have said, just an example of the little things they take from prisoners without giving a reason. Then they wonder why there are so many fights and such in prison. They get tired of these things, as well as other, more important things happening all the time. My guy has often told me that he wished they would just go a head and 'screw me up the a** all at once, rather than putting it in a little a time." Meaning, take everything all at once, rather than taking a little piece of him a little a time.
Also, you're right on target where the food, healthcare, etc., are concerned. They don't get enough to eat in most cases. They don't get dental care like they should either, and if all are like my guy, he's not had a new prescription for eyeglasses in FIVE years. So, no, they are not as pampered as some would have you believe!
Novel, you're right about how they tend to act one way 'back there' and entirely different at visit and such! I know my guy tells me that all the time. He also goes through what we call 'shut down mode' near the end of visit. He has to 'turn on that switch' as he calls it, to where nothing affects him. It's something that we in the free world couldn't understand fully, I'm sure. But I think I do to a degree.
I just wish there were ways for us to band together and make some changes for the better where they are concerned. But often, when we DO, do that, it only makes it worse for them in the long run!