Hi...my name is Alley and I guess I am looking for someone who has been in my shoes as I am sure alot of you have. I started writing my pp about 7 months ago. I actually have two pp but 1 our lettershave become a little more intense. He calls me at least three times a week and I anticipate each and every one of his calls. He is in prison for manslaughter. He has been in for 20 years and gets out in two years. Yesterday he called and I missed his call but he did leave me a message saying he was thinking of me on this rainy cuddling day. My mom has really been on me lately about him. We pretty much got into a war about him yesterday. I try and take up for him but you can't dispute the fact that he killed someone. I am getting alot of crap from people who love me. I do understnad their concern but I am becoming more and more involved with him as he is me. I am finding myself caring for him more and more.I love my family but I care for him and I believe in second chances.

Hey there, and welcome to WAP.
You will find a lot of great people here, and some can provide comfort, advice and support.

I understand where you are coming from, although each situation is different.

I think it's "normal" that PP relationships develop ; just as much as I feel that your family's response to it is "normal" as well.

Please, give yourself some time. Don't close any doors, but don't go into a fight with your family and friends over your PP either. If your friendship / relationship stands the test of time, then, you know for a fact you have found gold and everyone will have to recognize that.

Good luck !

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I know that as always my response will end up causing a few to call me names and negative blah blah . Such is the nature of the beast .
One there are a number of recent threads about relationship during and after incarceration .

Sadly most of these relationships fail for a number of reasons .

I agree not to close any doors

But please do not alienate your family and those who care about you over a guy doing time . Prison is not a dating service

You sound young is so you have a long life ahead of you and you will meet many people . Think very carefully before closing of your options and attaching your self to some one with a very serious felony conviction . (Any felony for that matter ) Who knows you could meet some one with out a criminal past and go on to have a very good happy life .

It not a easy life and a the wine and roses fantasy some will tell you it is .

Do not listen to the follow your heart advice ! That almost always leaves pou broke and a psychological mess ofenr with u out any friends or family to support you or help you .

It seems like you have never met this person . Going into any relationship with out meeting them is nota good start .
If you wish ot get to know him spend freeworld time with him an see what he is like out side ofthe prsison enviorment .

despite what some say until you spend freeworld time with a person you really cannot know what they are like .

Words and promises come easy in prison they are harder to keep once you are released .


Be very careful and think things through . It is not worth losing those who love you over a person you have never met or and know only via letters and monitored phone calls where they are on their best behavior .

Daphne it right both things are normal reactions . I can see why any one would be very concerned about any one getting involved with a convict or ex convict .

.

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The Constitution is not a Technicality!

Me

If you never have dreams they will never come true.

Somethings are worth fighting for !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2Ngn...eature=related


Money Talks !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgL8qqjOnlg

I agree with ASE. Although love can happen, we must know this is not a dating service. I would never fight with my family over a guy (in prison or in free world). Family is the only thing that matters.

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Light travels faster than sound. That's why people look intelligent until they open their mouth.

I appreciate you responses. I totally agree that he needs his own life when he gets out. He needs to learn how to live on the outside. He has lived his entire adult life behind bars. Thats a very long time. I am not young...I am actually 37. LOL I am probably more nieve than I am young. I am new to this but I am learning. I would never turn my back on my family for someone I have never actually met in person. This just crazy. My mom is getting older so we argue over the grass being green!

Maybe you should meet him if you are serious about him that would take him out of the fantasy realm i usually know within 2 minutes of meeting someone what i feel.

Hahaha good to know it had that much of an resounding effect with you ASE

No effect what so ever . I have been warning about these relationships for a long time. Just used to The "in love people" and occasional groupie attacking me and calling me names and negative or the other BS . Comes with the territory . Though it is not at all appropriate or a tactful or polite way to have a conversation . Calling people names and personally attacking them does not make you right .

In a way some of the real nut cases are kind of amusing in way. They really either are naive , believe their delusions or are just trolling . Oh if they are not angry or maybe feeling embarrassed thy have been played why the personal attack and out of touch with reality rant ?

Sadly not much can be done . Often it is too late and few come back to talk about what went wrong and why we can all learn from it and avoid some of the problems . It really is sad to see a person throw their life away and stop living over a convict . Be a friend show compassion and kindness with firm boundaries . If you think that maybe there is more wait til thee time for release is approaching and take it from there very very slowly .

I got a luagh out of the DR groupie who attacked me I like her post it should stay to show their ignorance and how much some of those guys lie .She had no clue TDCJ once housed DR on Ellis they were able to work with population until 1999 or that SSIs regularly work on DR . Yes some ofthemdid inconceivably brutal things . Some still do . I guess her DR hero/ quasi god left that out to get store money LMAO. .

When one of these prison relationships goes to hell and some troubled lost vulnerable soul find themselves broke and with out a friend in the world . I feelbad but and angry at the follow your heart advice or the you can't choose who you love Cliche it is not true at all . Of course yuo can choose no one lacks that amopiunt of free will we can think this is not a good idea no matter what and stop from getting in too deep.

I feel bad; but then they blame the prisoner and not themselves for getting involved with a fantasy and phantom lover . They ignore every red flag all the warnings from those who have a very good idea of what convicts are like and what prison is then it is the convicts fault ?

Perhaps they not confronting their own troubles ? Then in the process . How sad . that when people insist it is negative to warn people and tell them the harsh reality . They are called names personally attacked and of course are always negative .

If anything the opposite is true. perhaps the " Follow your heart and always and forever crowd see themselves reflected honestly in the posts that warn of all the dangers . Their loneliness their own troubles many really do have deep psychiatric problems and are in deep denial about what is really going on .

Serial marrying DR prisoners is a healthy sane thing to do ? Traveling thousands of miles spending thousands of dollars to go to a hell hole prison town for " vacation" by choice is a rational act and not that of soem one woh is deeply disturbed and very vulnerable to manipulation ?

I can visit My friend easily because I fly a number of times a year to visit family( often they foot the bill for my flights only because they care ) and can easily and inexpensively make connection near her .

SO they get defensive and think by attacking some one who has lived prison thy will make it " right " and the "wine and roses" fantasy real .

If we do not talk about the very serious problems and dangers we are not doing any one any favors or giving helping prisoners changing laws etc a good name . Every legit organization warns of these dangers to those who get involved . They have trainings about this very issue all the time .

Nope not affected at all . Why the dig at me ?

Yes I will continue ot warn of the problems and difficulties of getting involved with a convict or ex convict .

__________________
The Constitution is not a Technicality!

Me

If you never have dreams they will never come true.

Somethings are worth fighting for !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2Ngn...eature=related


Money Talks !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgL8qqjOnlg

Deja vu... I get you. But I know she still knows how to give you the best advice ever when it comes to life questions. Green grass and teacup on the wrong side of the table is something else and so typical for moms...

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Light travels faster than sound. That's why people look intelligent until they open their mouth.

I can tell you that life after incarceration is not always the freedom one hopes for. A new sentence then begins.

There will be struggles adapting to the new world. Simple things that you and I do everyday without thought become major stresses to an ex-con who has been away for a while. We in the free world evolve with the changes, to someone who has been removed from society for years, they have not had that chance, they now have to play catch up, which can be very hard.

There will be struggles finding employment. This is the number one reason why ex-cons re-offend. The box on the application that says have you been convicted of a felony in the last 10 years is more than a box. It is a whole new sentence. It is a denial of a job, a denial of an income.

When you add in a relationship, if you do not take baby steps, and I mean baby steps with a whole lot of overdosing on patience, it simply won't work.

If you genuinely care for him, don't rush things. That is the best advice I can give.

Family and Friends will not always understand. You have to follow your intuition and keep every door open with them.

It very difficult finding your way after incarceration. It can be heartbreaking to find out the man you waited for simply needed to find his way on his own, that living alone in solitude was more comfortable than sharing a home with you. It happens more times than not.

If the feelings are real and are not infatuation, take it day by day when he is released, with no expectations. It is the best way to deal with his integration.

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