Hi All. This is going to be a long post, but I'm very concerned. Here goes:

I am totally upset and speechless now at what I found on my PP/Friend. I'm so upset at him for lying to me and upset at myself (a little) that I believed him. This is a very good thing though that I have found out the truth now....before I wasted my time going to see him and even thinking about taking it to the next level. Anyways, In a letter that he wrote to me, he offered to tell me why he ended up in prison. He told me that he was so sorry about what happened. (what he did to end up in prison) He said that he was very ashamed at what he did. He told me what he had done...he said that it was the ONlY time he's been in jail or trouble. He had written to me that he was drunk one day & went to use his ATM card at the bank. He said that the card didn't work properly and he was so drunk that he went into the bank & demanded the teller to give him the money she had -- All of it. He said that he had a fake gun that he used too. Anyways...he kept saying how stupid he felt cuz he'd made that one mistake in his life & that he'd learned his lesson. He told me that it was the only time that he'd been in trouble before & just made a big mistake. Well, in some newspaper articles on the web (archives), I found that he's been in and out of jail since 1990. In other words, he is a repeat offender! In one of the articles it states that he actually robbed his own Grandmother. It says that he distracted her while his girlfriend, went searching in her purse & stole a credit card. He used it too! His own Grandmother!?!? How sad! He totally lied about what had truly happened. So, now I feel like he may be trying to "con" me. He may just be trying to get me to be with him so he can also use me & take from me whatever he can.

Now, I am very worried. He is supposed to get out this December, if not earlier. He has my home address too! OMG..I hope that he never tries anything! I'm a bit scared now. I have been having strange feelings for a while now...since he wrote to me about taking things to the next level (like for a relationship). I thought that was kind of strange to want to have after only 2 or 3 months of writing. Something just didn't sound right. Also when I got another letter, he stated that he wants me to move into his house & make a life with him. Well, I'm so glad that I found all of this out before I decided to waste my $ and time to come to visit with him. I'm upset, yes & I'm not sure what to do....should I write to him & tell him that I don't think that we should be more than friends? I actually sent him a letter and a card yesterday saying that I'd like to try to possibly have a relationship on down the line, in time!!!!! (OMG) I don't want to upset him either cuz who knows what he might do after he gets out. Not that he will do anything, I just wonder. Now, I am scared. I think that I should get a P.O.Box in the next city over & tell him that I've lost my apt. cuz I can't afford the rent...or something like that so I can protect myself. I want him to think that I'm not living here anymore. What do you think??? I know...I should have used a P.O. Box in the first place.

I only wish that he would have been honest with me. Now that he's been dishonest & has totally lied to me, I'm not sure I want to even be friends w/ him. I dunno. ( He's been on parole before & had committed another crime and the article said that he got another 10-20 yrs. I believe that he may get out on parole early, but I'm about sure with his past record that he'll do it again. I don't think he'll ever change. If he does, that's good for him, but I don't want anything to do with him. Am I sounding too cruel here? I'm sorry to burden you with this long letter & my "jumping around with my thoughts" I'm just scared now. I have learned a very valuable lesson though, that I will only give a P.O. Box out from now on. Not sure how to handle this....

Thank You for listening to me.

Denise

I can imagine how stunned you are to find this out, but you forget you have the advantage over this career criminal. Any trouble on his part will put him back (or keep him) right where he is now. If it were me, I'd write a light-hearted letter saying that I know about his past and that you're more savvy than you may have appeared to him in past letters - then go on to mention how your week was, etc, and leave it at that. He'll get the message and will probably drop you before you can figure out how to drop him.

Maybe I'm just older and meaner, but heaven help a man who threatens or tries to intimidate me after I've freely invested time, heart and sympathy for his current plight. Don't be afraid, be mad about the nerve of this liar -- and then be smarter with the next one.

Hi galfriend. Send him a photocopy [anomously] of the lies... from a different town/state. What you found on the Internet. Stop writing to him. He forfeited the pleasure of a friendship by insisting you date him. Deep down he will realize this.

You poor girl! I know how hurt and angry you must be. I would be too. But perhaps you should think about something before you completely write him off.....

Remember alcohol was involved in at least one of his crimes. While that is no excuse, perhaps the alcohol or even a drug habit drove him to do something like the bank job or his poor grandmother. Drugs and alcohol can cause a person to do things they wouldn't normally. Just something to think about.

As for what you should do. I think you know what that 'inner voice' is telling you to do. I would go with that little voice, as it doesn't normally steer you wrong. Any of the advice you have recieved thus far is good.

I do think you have a good idea about letting him believe that you have lost your apartment. I wouldn't want him to come looking me up if I were you. I won't fuss at you for not using a P.O. Box in the first place, as I know you're kicking yourself for it now.

I don't know what to tell you other than to go with your instincts. They are the best judge of issues most of the time.

Good Luck!!

I'm sorry to hear that, Denise. I know how much you were looking forward to a visit. There is nothing that we can say, that will take the hurt away. Just know that we feel for you. (((Denise)))

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Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly.

Cowards are cruel, but the brave love mercy.

Sorry to hear, I feel and agree with what Xray had to say, hard blow to take, I know.

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Thanks all for your suggs. & comments. I wrote him a letter today and I asked him about his past...and mentioned that I had seen some articles from the paper while searching the net. So, I hope he decides to "move on" Either way, his lies to me are unacceptable in my book. Friends do not lie to friends & you can't start a relationship w/ lies. I told him that too, but in a nice way. I have put a lot of thought into this. I only hope for the best for him, but as for me, I'm moving on...I don't want to correspond w/ him anymore and I did let him know that. (that little voice inside of me) -- I'm going with that. I also had put my new P.O. Box address on the envelope...so he won't send to my apt. anymore. I also told him that I'm moving because of a job opportunity. I hate lying, but I feel that this was necessary in this case.

I still have another friend who I write to. He is honest & sincere w/ me and I'm definitly keeping him as a friend/PP. I am going to go visit him next month. I can't wait ) Yes, from now on, my address will be a P.O. Box...I have learned the hard way about giving my home address out when I write anymore. I'm so glad that I still have one honest, caring friend to write to. I have been thinking about writing to a DR inmate now too. I've been thinking about that for a long time too~

Again, thanks all!

Denise - Gator was so right on the fact that when someone drinks and alcohol is involved they are a different person. Someone can be the greatest person and then when they drink they become violent. I have experienced this myself with one of my friends so maybe this is the case here?

Hope he is honest and upfront with you. Writing the letter was good, hopefully will clear up many of your doubts and fears. Wish you the best!

Italiagal -- Yes, I too have seen it with friends in my past (alcohol/drugs) related problems...but not in a way that they ended up in serious trouble...at least not that serious of trouble. I still don't like the fact that he lied to me..I don't lie to people & I expect the same in return (respect) Thanks for the suggs.