Been crusin' along here for months and all is well. Within two days I get two situations I have questions about. A couple of months ago I started writing a new PP (I actually told him I only wanted to be friends-meant it then-kinda like him abit now) (he almost seems like he is thinking more). Anyway, he was on the "no one writing to list for over 6 mo" His picture made him look older than he looks in pics he has sent me now by alot really. Anyway, he is a fitness buff. I am not and am overweight. Very seriously wrote him and explained that to him and said maybe he should look for a gal more like him and meant it. I believe I am the only one he writes. I got a letter today saying I needed to respect myself and he would give me tips about how he got in shape. I know he is right in that it can be done and you do feel better (I did it once), but I now feel insecure, perhaps a little angry and hurt. I guess I wanted him to say I am okay the way I am and he didn't want someone else. Probably selfish! What do I say to that?

LOL...i don't mean to laugh really, but i say he is a man, and i think he was just trying to help. You showed/shared a problem, he probably thought he was helping you by trying to fix it as best he knew how by giving you tips. And as far as saying respect yourself. I take that as meaning he can see your worth why not you? He respects you for who you are.

You know one thing i have learnt over time is, what one finds attractive another will not. I personally think it natural to feel the way you do and i don't see anything wrong. Just don't let it destroy what has become a good friendship because of your insecurities.
Just remember looks will fade with time, but what comes from within is more beautiful than anything you can see with your eye's. Somethings need not be seen, but felt with the heart, and i think the more you become aware of this the secure you become within your own self.

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The last of all freedoms is the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
G. W. Allport.

Interesting interpretation! Thank you! Will read it again from your perspective and see how it feels! I do think he is a nice guy, so you could be right.

dont forget as well, that most lockup are into that kind of thing. It relieves stress ect ect for them. I could make a list of why they do this.

as smiley said, he probably took as you asking for help in the weight problem.

I can however see your point too. be honest with him and take it from there.

Exercise is good and I dont think he meant it in a hurtful way. Cheer up. Maybe he just meant he wants you to feel better for health reasons and is offering you some guidance and assistance if you choose to take it. I think smiley summed it up pretty good.

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"Thats it then, they will go on double, secret, probation..."

Smiley, I loved how you put that, I was laughing to myself reading it, because it is so true about the differences between the sexes and how they interpret things.

Yeah, I could definitely see him trying to help. And I do think he did say that he liked you for yourself and didn't want anyone else. I think that's what he meant when he said that you should respect yourself. What is implied there is that you should respect yourself because he does respect you.

Good luck with it!

Many people have an ongoing battle with wieght. In and of itself there is nothing wrong with some extra pounds.

It can cause health problems, and in the USA healthcare can be a problem.
Many well meaning people want to share what seems to work for them.
Someone who did not care would not be likely to share.
John

I have settled down some here. Appreciate the thoughts. Still not sure what I want to say, so am still mulling it over. He will get another letter this week so won't notice the delay, so am OK there.

Sending you as i am sure words just don't cut it.

__________________
The last of all freedoms is the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.
G. W. Allport.

What you can do if something is said in a letter that makes you feel uncomfortable or a question you dont want to answer, is simply gloss over it like it was never asked and move onto other subjects. Thats up to you though.

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"Thats it then, they will go on double, secret, probation..."