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The Last Time..............

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On this date last year I was released from prison for the last time. I have given my life to Christ, I work in ministry, I have always wanted to help others and now I do.. I have so much to be thankful for, family, friends, life is good.
The one thing I have to vent about is this. My ex girlfriend is way more beautiful now than she was when I went in. like the older she gets the more beautiful she gets.. Do looks matter? Yes if you get honest with yourself they do. That doesn't mean much whats beautiful to me may not be to you. I just thought that giving my life to Christ I wouldn't miss her anymore but I do. I miss her. God made man to need, want, desire, woman so I believe Ill always have a need there.
I know I could have already had a female in my life. I refuse to settle tho. I have been settling all my life. It is very hard being a single man working to live a life for Christ. My pen pal is fun. We have become very good friends but at the end of the day shes locked up. Honestly I have been on the other side of this thing and while it meets a need for awhile the chances of her an I being together when she gets out are......0.......
Everything changes when them gates open. Maybe if you are from the same town or something but other then that, its slim to none.
I pray that my mood doesn't upset anyone. I'm just feeling really down. I miss the touch and not even so much the sexual. Just her hand on my face as we kiss. Her running to me when I came home and jumping in my arms. The way we would dance and play at the house. To feel her warm an cozy and asleep next to me. The way her eyes would widen when I would wake her up in the night or in the morning. The way she would melt when I would hug her from behind. And everything else.
How does one become content with no touch? I spent years in a cell I want to touch and physically love.... I wont settle tho.. She has to love Jesus and she has to be beautiful. I pray all of you have a good day. Thanks for reading this and feeling my pain with me.


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