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blacktea

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I started to write to a inmate in November. I was just looking for a friendship (Im already married). He started to flirt. The first time, I liked that. I was ashamed to admit it. But now.. he just crossed the wrong line.. he said he would do everything to get me, and he started to talk about sexual things, and he said that he want from me to leave my husband and to move to the US. I just want from him to stop to talk that way. I like him, but I want him only as a friend. I prepared a letter (I havent posted it) where I try to explain that. Im afraid to be harsh, or to hurt him..

Updated 01-06-2018 at 09:11 AM by blacktea

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  1. ShadeyBiz89's Avatar
    You have to set boundaries, because if you don't, it's going to be a bigger problem for both of you later. You don't have to be harsh, just be clear and firm that it's friends only and he needs to accept that if he wants to write you. If he really respects you, he'll back off, if he doesn't, then you have your answer, that isn't the friendship for you. What he's doing isn't okay, he is disrespecting both you and your husband, and he needs to know that, just be clear and firm with what you say and his reaction to that will tell you if he's the friend for you or not.
  2. Zarchery's Avatar
    Like the last poster said, you have to be firm. Tell him that if he doesn't cool it, you can just find a different pen pal.

    I might even just dump him and get a new one anyway. One of my pen pals (a female) told me that she gets a lot of letters from men on the outside that want to talk about sexual stuff and want her to help them fulfill some sort of sexual fantasy. She just throws the letters away and doesn't respond.
  3. Monkey Joe's Avatar
    Does your husband know you write him?

    If so, maybe ask your husband to write a polite note along the lines of "I'm glad you and my wife have become friends". Then add it in with your next letter. This will act as a chilling effect on your pen pal to make it clear you are happily married and he can't prey on your insecurities.

    These guys in prison can go overboard and let fantasies get out of hand. So best not to give fuel to it. Do what you think is right. Obviously you realize the moral dilemma, and you already know the right thing to do. Nobody is going to make the choice but you yourself.
  4. Cerebralfeminist's Avatar
    Firstly,you should tell him,that you just want to be friends with him.And,you must tell your husband about it.And,trust your heart on this.I mean,you obviously wouldn't want your friendship to get into your marriage or affect it in any way.

    Though,we think little things like this don't affect a relationship,but they do.And,from what you've posted,I guess you are more concerned about the fact that this might get into your married life.

    And,trust me.Call me,old school but honesty still is the best policy.Be honest,tell your husband and maybe,he might have more solutions.

    And,just trust your tiny beating heart.❤
  5. blacktea's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey Joe
    Does your husband know you write him?

    If so, maybe ask your husband to write a polite note along the lines of "I'm glad you and my wife have become friends". Then add it in with your next letter. This will act as a chilling effect on your pen pal to make it clear you are happily married and he can't prey on your insecurities.

    These guys in prison can go overboard and let fantasies get out of hand. So best not to give fuel to it. Do what you think is right. Obviously you realize the moral dilemma, and you already know the right thing to do. Nobody is going to make the choice but you yourself.
    Yes, he knows. But he never read the contents of my pp letters because my husband speak and don’t understand a lot english. And thanks for your advices. I send two letters where I explained my point of view clearly. But I know mail takes time to arrive during the x-mas time, so I actually don’t had a answer.
  6. blacktea's Avatar
    Thanks everyone for your replies.
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