He now knows!
Posted 09-05-2008 at 01:08 AM by chicksta
Well, I've decided not to even bother wasting my time reading that 'reporting a pen pal' thread anymore. My words keep getting twisted and used against me, and I'm sick of it. The last I read was when I answered a question honestly (Would I have done this if he wasn't on the inside? to which I answered No) and I got told off again for basically being selfish... But the reason I wouldn't have tried to do anything, I thought it was clear - Because there is no way of me to do anything. If there was, I would have tried, I would have done everyting in my power to stop this from happening. But there isn't a way, so I wouldn't have (What 'could' I have done?!) and now I'm being told off for double standards... I mean, if I you lived in a thrid world country without food or running water, and you came over here - would you not eat or drink just because the option was available to you? Its stupid I think to presume say that I am taking advantage of his situation, when it was HIM who took advantage of me and my situation of being kind and lonely.... ANYWAY, I just don't want to talk about that anymore, I've spent enough time being angry on it and I don't want to waste my time.
Alot has happened since my last blog. Firstly, on Wednesday night, I got a phone call from the PP. He rang to check if I was okay because he hadn't heard from me for awhile... I just said "I wrote to you last week..." (obviously he hadn't got my 'honest' letter yet!) and he said to me... "I started to think I'd done something wrong baby!" and I said to him "well you kind of did..." and he went silent ... "What are you talking about?" he asked me. And I just said "you'll get the letter soon, that will tell you" and he kept asking, so I told him "I've been talking to (the other girl) and I know everything. You've been lying to me!" and you could hear the panic in his voice... Then things started to surprise me a little... "Did you tell her what I told you? About trying to break her heart because of what she did with her husband?" and I said "yes." and then he got mad "How could you do that? I thought you were loyal and I could trust you!" and then I got mad back (obviously) and said how angry and upset I was that he lied to me, and to her.... Then things really got intesting. He said "The truth is, I liked you both. You were both nice, and it was nice to happen attention, I haven't got any since I got put in here. But then I fell for her, and I didn't know how to tell you that after how you've been treated by men in the past, so I just kept it going".... I didn't say anything... "How is she? Is she okay? Is she going to stop writing to me?" and I said that I didn't know (even though I did - its not my place to be talking about there friendship, he can have that conversation with her, not me!) and he said "Can you call her right now?" and I said "why?" (truth was I was about to call her anyway to tell her all of this!!) and he said "give her a message for me. Tell her that I'm sorry, and I want to be with her... Will you tell her that right now?" so I said "yes. Bye" and hung up. How rude!! He didn't even apologise to me, but wants me to be passing on messages??....
Next thing I know, I was on the phone to the other girl... I told her the whole story and she couldn't believe it either. We were both in shock!! And she was furious with him and how he has been treating us still, because if you really loved someone, you wouldn't want to play with anyone elses emotions like that... Anyway, we talked until 2.30 in the morning, and I finally said I had to try and get some sleep. Then at 3am, she called me again... She had been speaking to her friend and told her that I'd contacted the DOC regarding the suicide letter that PP had sent... Well, she was 'worried' that he would be made worse than better, apparently that often happens in prison... I told her that even if that was true, no matter what, I knew that I had done the right thing and 'tried' to get him help... She begged me to write to them and tell them that I didn't mean it - but I'm not that stupid, I DID MEAN IT! He is sucididal, and they would be able to see from his history that its true... Then I went back to sleep...
3.30am - phone rings, AGAIN! and it was the PP again, to say that he had read the email I sent to the DOC... They came in to check on him, and showed it to him. He said "I know you thought you were doing the right thing, BUT YOU WEREN'T! They nearly locked me up alone, did you know that?" and I said "yes, and if you are a risk to yourself, then I can understand..." (which is true, my ex attempted suicide and blamed it on me, and I wish that he had been able to get help and be isolated like that, because I had to be the one to take care of him and monitor him 24/7 - that is NOT easy) and he said that he 'convinced them he was fine" so I'm still glad that I did the best I could to try and get him help... and he also was wanting to check if I had passed on the message. I said "Yes." and he said "What did she say?" and I didn't know what to say... so I just said "She cried".... which was kind of true - she cried from laughter that he was that stupid that he really thought that he ever thought he had a chance with her, let alone that he still did!! And then he got upset, and started pleding with me to give him her number so he could 'comfort' her, which of course I refused. He then started asking question "Do you think she'll write back?" and I just said I don't know... THen I think he realised just how angry I was getting. "Are you alright?" he asked... and I kind of blew up at him. "You got caught out lying, and I told you about then - THEN you don't even TRY to apologise, and still expect me to CALL her and apolgise to her on your behalf!!! PLUS its 3.30am and I've bareley slept more than 20minutes!" and he finally cut me off and started apologising (TOO LATE) and said that he still wanted to be friends, and he would write to me to say sorry, and asked that I still write to him.... I said I would, even though I won't, well not exactly. I still have some photographs he sent me last week that I want to send back (I know how much photos must mean to people inside, and I don't need / want them!) so once they go back, that will be it.
I was so tired yesterday, I wanted to go home from work early but I couldn't because we were short staffed, so yesterday I just went home and went to bed - not before unplugging the phone.
Who knows what will happen next? It will be interesting to see if he got my letter, and what he will reply to it... But I still dont want to be penpals with him anymore. I do not trust him, and I'm not going too... The damage has been done as they say!... I'm glad that through this is has gotten me a nice new friend in Germany, and learnt a lesson - That no matter what other people tell me and what others think, I am stilling going to do what I KNOW IS BEST, for me, and for the people around me...
Alot has happened since my last blog. Firstly, on Wednesday night, I got a phone call from the PP. He rang to check if I was okay because he hadn't heard from me for awhile... I just said "I wrote to you last week..." (obviously he hadn't got my 'honest' letter yet!) and he said to me... "I started to think I'd done something wrong baby!" and I said to him "well you kind of did..." and he went silent ... "What are you talking about?" he asked me. And I just said "you'll get the letter soon, that will tell you" and he kept asking, so I told him "I've been talking to (the other girl) and I know everything. You've been lying to me!" and you could hear the panic in his voice... Then things started to surprise me a little... "Did you tell her what I told you? About trying to break her heart because of what she did with her husband?" and I said "yes." and then he got mad "How could you do that? I thought you were loyal and I could trust you!" and then I got mad back (obviously) and said how angry and upset I was that he lied to me, and to her.... Then things really got intesting. He said "The truth is, I liked you both. You were both nice, and it was nice to happen attention, I haven't got any since I got put in here. But then I fell for her, and I didn't know how to tell you that after how you've been treated by men in the past, so I just kept it going".... I didn't say anything... "How is she? Is she okay? Is she going to stop writing to me?" and I said that I didn't know (even though I did - its not my place to be talking about there friendship, he can have that conversation with her, not me!) and he said "Can you call her right now?" and I said "why?" (truth was I was about to call her anyway to tell her all of this!!) and he said "give her a message for me. Tell her that I'm sorry, and I want to be with her... Will you tell her that right now?" so I said "yes. Bye" and hung up. How rude!! He didn't even apologise to me, but wants me to be passing on messages??....
Next thing I know, I was on the phone to the other girl... I told her the whole story and she couldn't believe it either. We were both in shock!! And she was furious with him and how he has been treating us still, because if you really loved someone, you wouldn't want to play with anyone elses emotions like that... Anyway, we talked until 2.30 in the morning, and I finally said I had to try and get some sleep. Then at 3am, she called me again... She had been speaking to her friend and told her that I'd contacted the DOC regarding the suicide letter that PP had sent... Well, she was 'worried' that he would be made worse than better, apparently that often happens in prison... I told her that even if that was true, no matter what, I knew that I had done the right thing and 'tried' to get him help... She begged me to write to them and tell them that I didn't mean it - but I'm not that stupid, I DID MEAN IT! He is sucididal, and they would be able to see from his history that its true... Then I went back to sleep...
3.30am - phone rings, AGAIN! and it was the PP again, to say that he had read the email I sent to the DOC... They came in to check on him, and showed it to him. He said "I know you thought you were doing the right thing, BUT YOU WEREN'T! They nearly locked me up alone, did you know that?" and I said "yes, and if you are a risk to yourself, then I can understand..." (which is true, my ex attempted suicide and blamed it on me, and I wish that he had been able to get help and be isolated like that, because I had to be the one to take care of him and monitor him 24/7 - that is NOT easy) and he said that he 'convinced them he was fine" so I'm still glad that I did the best I could to try and get him help... and he also was wanting to check if I had passed on the message. I said "Yes." and he said "What did she say?" and I didn't know what to say... so I just said "She cried".... which was kind of true - she cried from laughter that he was that stupid that he really thought that he ever thought he had a chance with her, let alone that he still did!! And then he got upset, and started pleding with me to give him her number so he could 'comfort' her, which of course I refused. He then started asking question "Do you think she'll write back?" and I just said I don't know... THen I think he realised just how angry I was getting. "Are you alright?" he asked... and I kind of blew up at him. "You got caught out lying, and I told you about then - THEN you don't even TRY to apologise, and still expect me to CALL her and apolgise to her on your behalf!!! PLUS its 3.30am and I've bareley slept more than 20minutes!" and he finally cut me off and started apologising (TOO LATE) and said that he still wanted to be friends, and he would write to me to say sorry, and asked that I still write to him.... I said I would, even though I won't, well not exactly. I still have some photographs he sent me last week that I want to send back (I know how much photos must mean to people inside, and I don't need / want them!) so once they go back, that will be it.
I was so tired yesterday, I wanted to go home from work early but I couldn't because we were short staffed, so yesterday I just went home and went to bed - not before unplugging the phone.
Who knows what will happen next? It will be interesting to see if he got my letter, and what he will reply to it... But I still dont want to be penpals with him anymore. I do not trust him, and I'm not going too... The damage has been done as they say!... I'm glad that through this is has gotten me a nice new friend in Germany, and learnt a lesson - That no matter what other people tell me and what others think, I am stilling going to do what I KNOW IS BEST, for me, and for the people around me...
Total Comments 2
Comments
 |  good for you girl i got a lot respect for you. xxx whiterose. |
Posted 09-05-2008 at 06:18 AM by whiterose  |
| | Political Action AmbitionsHello to all readers of this blog. My user name is Ray and I am brand new to Writeaprisoner. I am writing to ask for any serious help that might be offered in my efforts and interest in bringing change to the criminal justice and prison systems as they exist today. I would appreciate be made aware of any groups whether formal or informal that have made or are in the process of trying to make improvements in these areas. My hope is to form a group comprised of every person in the criminal justice and prison systems, along with their friends and family, and anybody else interested to lobby state and federal government to make the humane changes that are so long over due. I want everyone to understand that they have a stake in doing what is right and humane. I am motivated from a Christian conscience as well as being the victim of the system myself. I want to create a voice for the disenfranchised and hopeless. If you have any info or just want to work with me, please let me know. My e-mail is kkcoyne@live.com. Thank you for reading this. |
| Posted 09-27-2008 at 03:31 PM by Ray Coyne |
Recent Blog Entries by chicksta
- Quick update (09-11-2008)
- He now knows! (09-05-2008)
- Disapointment and hope all at once... (09-02-2008)
- Venting my frustration! (09-02-2008)
- More lies found out! (09-01-2008)
