Can't find the words...
Posted 08-24-2008 at 09:48 PM by chicksta
I've spent hours since all this 'stuff' with my PP happened trying to write a letter to him, and sound 'normal' like I don't know anything is wrong... But I just can't seem to do it. I've started so many letters, and I end up sounding like I'm talking to someone I hate and sounding very stone cold and like I'm withholding information, or I can't help myself and start to write just what I think of him! But that isn't going to help... I'm just not a good liar, or good at hiding my feelings - When I'm angry or upset with someone, I just can't pretend everything is fine as roses!!
It's been well over a week since I wrote to him last, and he's going to notice that something is wrong now anyway I think... But too bad. He is the one who let ME down by doing this, but I know I shouldn't feel guilty. But I really want to be able to help 'teach him a lesson' and not so much for the revenge aspect, but more because I don't want to see some other poor innocent girl get sucked it, and the poor girl not having anyone nice enough to have anyone tell her whats really happening with this guy, and what a jerk he really is!!...
The 'other' girl called me last nite and we talked for awhile about it all, and I confessed to her that I just don't know what to say to him, and thankfully she at least seemed sympathetic, but she also agrees I need to try and write something before he gets too suspicious....
She did raise a good point though, that does worry me. This guy has SERIOUS mental problems, and not just the 'he's insane' kind which is obvious, but he suffers from depression pretty bad, and he's tried to commit suicide a few times, and I know that this is true, because he actually sent me some photos of it (VERY graphic!!
) and now I'm worried that this little 'event' will push him over the edge... Not because we are going to be 'teaching him a lesson' but because I think he is losing alot of contact with the outside world... Plus theres the fact, that he is obviously looking for 'wifey material' - someone that will marry him and look after him, since now because of his crime (Insurance Fraud) its very doubtful that he'll ever get much of a job... So if he's now lost two good 'wifey material' girls, he may be pushed over the edge... and that is not something that either of us want on our minds!!... We have both agreed that once we confess to him that we know the truth, and how far its all gone, and we will call the prison to have his mail stopped, we will let the CO's know of the situation, and that there is a chance he may be a danger to himself... not as further punishment, but because it's highly likely given this guys history. Will this stop him if he really wants to succeed? I highly doubt that, I've been affected by suicide several times in my life, and I know that once they really want it bad enough, NOTHING will stop them... This guy even managed to have a attempt at taking his life while he was in a suicidal cell! (So no mattress, no 'normal' clothes, just a smock, no other personal belongings)... he punched out a glass panel in the door and used the glass to cut himself... (This is the photos that I saw)... So maybe the CO's will just laugh at us and ignore that part of our request, but at least we will TRY and do the right thing by his health, even if he can't do the same for ours...
I guess I should stop procrastinating and writing this and actually TRY to write a serious letter to him....
Wish me luck! lol!... Will write again soon xo
It's been well over a week since I wrote to him last, and he's going to notice that something is wrong now anyway I think... But too bad. He is the one who let ME down by doing this, but I know I shouldn't feel guilty. But I really want to be able to help 'teach him a lesson' and not so much for the revenge aspect, but more because I don't want to see some other poor innocent girl get sucked it, and the poor girl not having anyone nice enough to have anyone tell her whats really happening with this guy, and what a jerk he really is!!...
The 'other' girl called me last nite and we talked for awhile about it all, and I confessed to her that I just don't know what to say to him, and thankfully she at least seemed sympathetic, but she also agrees I need to try and write something before he gets too suspicious....
She did raise a good point though, that does worry me. This guy has SERIOUS mental problems, and not just the 'he's insane' kind which is obvious, but he suffers from depression pretty bad, and he's tried to commit suicide a few times, and I know that this is true, because he actually sent me some photos of it (VERY graphic!!
) and now I'm worried that this little 'event' will push him over the edge... Not because we are going to be 'teaching him a lesson' but because I think he is losing alot of contact with the outside world... Plus theres the fact, that he is obviously looking for 'wifey material' - someone that will marry him and look after him, since now because of his crime (Insurance Fraud) its very doubtful that he'll ever get much of a job... So if he's now lost two good 'wifey material' girls, he may be pushed over the edge... and that is not something that either of us want on our minds!!... We have both agreed that once we confess to him that we know the truth, and how far its all gone, and we will call the prison to have his mail stopped, we will let the CO's know of the situation, and that there is a chance he may be a danger to himself... not as further punishment, but because it's highly likely given this guys history. Will this stop him if he really wants to succeed? I highly doubt that, I've been affected by suicide several times in my life, and I know that once they really want it bad enough, NOTHING will stop them... This guy even managed to have a attempt at taking his life while he was in a suicidal cell! (So no mattress, no 'normal' clothes, just a smock, no other personal belongings)... he punched out a glass panel in the door and used the glass to cut himself... (This is the photos that I saw)... So maybe the CO's will just laugh at us and ignore that part of our request, but at least we will TRY and do the right thing by his health, even if he can't do the same for ours...I guess I should stop procrastinating and writing this and actually TRY to write a serious letter to him....
Wish me luck! lol!... Will write again soon xo
Total Comments 2
Comments
 |  Now he has lost 2 wifey girls? lol. it wasn't just coincidence or an accident, that was down to him alone that he lost you two! That certainly isn't something you should be worrying for him about. However, if you are going to continue with "teaching him a lesson" that may be more awkward to not be responsible for if he has those kind of mental problems. Although I understand you dont want anyone else in the same situation - and I totally respect that. Does he still have an ad up? Argh it's a tough one, because I know you must still be hurting too. If it was me, I'd be inclined to be honest and tell him that you know what's going on... maybe leave out the part about the other girl, that you're in contact, and leave that to her if she wants to carry on teaching him that lesson. I just would worry that it could turn into a bigger mess and hurt you in the end even more. Maybe if you confront him, he will try and redeem himself somehow? Good luck Chicksta! I hope you find the words. |
Posted 08-26-2008 at 06:14 PM by FromDusk  |
| |  Thanks FromDusk!! I still haven't managed to write anything to him, but he normally calls me every Wednesday night, and thats tonight for me... So I'm trying to think about how I can ask him nicely about all this, without mentioning her.... :S I'm not too sure if it can be done yet... I think I'm still too angry!! And Yes, he does still have an add up... It's on this website.... I talked to the other girl, and we are considering reporting him, but we're not too sure if they will be able to do anything about it, because he isn't exactly doing anything wrong... I mean, it is morally wrong! But it's nothing 'official' like trying to get money or something, all he is doing is lying and playing games.... What do you suggest I do? Should I report him?... Hmm.... But I think you may be right, I think this 'teaching him a lesson' may end up a bigger mess than it's worth... it's already stressing me out so much and I can't find the words, I think maybe its that I just be honest with him.... Hmmm.... Thanks again FromDusk  Your comments are always muchly appriciated!!!xo |
| Posted 08-26-2008 at 08:15 PM by chicksta |
Recent Blog Entries by chicksta
- Quick update (09-11-2008)
- He now knows! (09-05-2008)
- Disapointment and hope all at once... (09-02-2008)
- Venting my frustration! (09-02-2008)
- More lies found out! (09-01-2008)
