The title of the message says it all really - I was the victim of a rape whilst in prison for a 3 month period about 7 years ago. It was for a petty fraud (stupid mistake) crime (and my only criminal offense up until and since).
The event took place after I had been moved from Christchurch main prison to Roleston Prison (generally considered a much lower-security prison, so therefore it's easier for inmates to get away with things!).
To set the record straight - the actual event of rape took place during a shower that I was trying to have in the unit late one afternoon. I am a generally smaller guy (around 5'7) and am not a confrontational person at all, I wanted to just sit back and do my time like anyone else, quietly reflecting on what had happened, and looking forward to the day that I got out.
I'd heard rumors about "dropping the soap" and "getting fisted in the showers", but I'd just laughed it off as casual prison banter amongst inmates.
Anyhow, this afternoon as I was finishing off in the shower block, I heard the main door swing shut and spun around, trying to over myself with a towel, when i saw a young skinhead standing there with his hand on his crotch.
He proceeded to verbally abuse me in a sexual manner, humiliating me to the extreme before the actual rape took place.
The rape in itself was very violent (and thankfully quite quick). It was anal, and oral in nature, and was over within a matter of minutes (probably about 10 minutes max).
The inmate left me bleeding and sore on the shower block floor, spat on me, and then strolled out casually as if he'd just done an everyday thing (perhaps he had??).
I cleaned myself up as best as I possibly could before dressing and going straight to the guard house to tell my story to them. I was in tears (as you could imagine, this is NOT the thing to do in prison, as you're seen a a 'wuss' and a weakling).
"I've just been sexually assaulted," I told the warden in charge at the time.
"By who?" he asked.
I gave the inmate's full name, and the guard nodded and said :
"We say nothing about those sort of things in here, it happens, and it's unfortunate...go get a mop and bucket and clean up the shower stall where it happened..."
I was shocked, stunned, traumatized, and completely in disbelief with what had come out of this sorry excuse for a 'guard's' mouth. How dare he just tell me to forget about that after everything that had just happened.
Now, fast forward 3 months - I am released from Jail, completely mortified still by my ordeal, but having flashbacks in relation to my own childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my father. This occurred almost nightly from the age of 5 until I turned 11. coupled with what had happened in jail, I was a mess. I still am.
I have written to the police complaints, the prisons aid, everywhere...even to the goddamn New Zealand Government, nobody has ever replied to me, no investigation was ever done, and I have never received any kind of compensation whatsoever.
I hate men now...I have sexual issues which cannot be resolved. I have quit counseling after 5 years because it was not helping with these problems, and I am emotionally a wreck.
Did I deserve to go to jail? Yes, I broke the law. Did I deserve what happened to me in there? No, nobody deserves that kind of treatment from a government facilitation.
Was prison the right choice for me based on my crime? No, of course not, but I do not care about that now. I care about the damage which has been done, and how I am disgusted in my own country for allowing it to happen and not doing anything about it.
Any comments would be much appreciated,