AngelBear, i think for me the feeling of helplessness is the hardest one to over come. I try and look at it in a different light so i do not struggle so much, but no matter, it comes back the same.
I hope your wife is well and finds her strength in not only you, but the powers that be.

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If you are compassionate in your approach to all tasks in life, believing that all "problems" contain valuable lessons, you will find peace of mind.
~Dr. Lee Jampolsky