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Inmate Blog Entry: Monday, September 19 2011

Inmate Blog Category: Friendship


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9
INCARCERATION IS LONELY

It hurts to get close to people in here because it seems that every time you get close to someone they disappear from your life. I am so lonely for friendships. People come in and out of here all the time yet I’m the one left behind since I’m the lifer. It’s hard to know who to trust. I reach out to others with the hopes that someone would care about me and I usually get hurt. Or, when I do form a close bond with someone in here, they go home. I don’t hear from them again. I wish that I could be home right now. Each day without my loved ones, another piece of me is torn from my heart. I feel so very lost and alone. Each day is a struggle for me. Will the Parole Board let me go home? Will I be home while my dad is still alive? Will my 2 nieces and 1 nephew ever get to know me? Will I ever be out there with my mom, sister, brother and everyone that I love? I’m so scared that I will be forgotten by others. I might have made mistakes in my life but I’m still human. I pay for the consequences daily for all my mistakes but I’m still someone deserving of love, forgiveness, second chances and understanding. I’m fighting for my freedom here but I feel so very drained by the sadness and loneliness I feel.
Inmate Blog Entry: Friday, February 17 2012

Inmate Blog Category: Update


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9
GETTING READY FOR THE PAROLE BOARD

I made a really big decision by signing a waiver to wave my parole hearing for 3 years. I want the Board to see that when I finally go to my parole hearing it’s because I am ready for parole. I need to get my own paid psyche evaluation and work on my parole plans. I really need everyone’s help. First, if there is anyone that is willing to send me books on self esteem, co-dependency, anger management, substance abuse and anything else that can help me deal with my emotions, I would appreciate it so much. You can order paper back books through www.amazon.com. I also need help with raising money for a psyche evaluation. Any funds can be sent directly to me at www.jpay.com. Since I owe restitution I will only receive 45% of the funds sent to me. I could really use help with being able to buy stamps or food at canteen but the main reason I need the funds is for the psyche report. I’m interested in finding sponsors to help me with my relapse prevention and anyone willing to help me on my journey towards my transition into society. I just want to better myself so that I can make the right choices in life and so I won’t make the same mistakes again. I miss my family so much and need to be home with them. If you can offer social support, or just friendship, it would mean a lot to me. Thank you, Nicole Bradley.
Inmate Blog Entry: Wednesday, December 12 2012

Inmate Blog Category: Friendship


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9
INTENSE LONELINESS

I feel such an intense loneliness in this place. I need people in my life that won't give up on me. I'm getting tired of people writing and forgetting about me. If you're not serious about getting to know me then don't write at all. I can't afford to be wasting stamps I don't have on others that don't write back. Anyone can donate $ to me at www.jpay.com. Also, I talk about Facebook a lot because I have a prayer and support group. I need supportive people on there, not jealous people. I wish there was someone that can do internet searches and print things for me. Also, I collect pictures on postcards of nature, cities, and sunsets. I feel so out of touch in this place. Is there anyone in Southern California that can visit me on a regular basis, and let me call them collect? I don't get regular visits. My family visits a few times a year. My brother, sister, nieces and nephew rarely write. I can't even call them collect. I miss them so much. Can anyone order me some books? I like books from www.wizards.com and www.dungeonsanddragons.com. I just need something to do to pass the time away because when I'm bored I think a lot. Then I think depressing things, like wondering if I'll ever go home or if my family will forget about me. Someone please write me nice long letters. I need some mail please! xoxo
Inmate Blog Entry: Wednesday, April 9 2014

Inmate Blog Category: Friendship


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9
LONELY

I'm sorry to everyone in my life I have ever disappointed. I have the most wonderful family and the world. They are supportive of me, love me, and want me to come home. Being in this place I have learned to appreciate others. When I was out, I sadly admit that I took others in my life for granted. I said and did things that I regret. I wish I would've treated my family better. I was going through so much. My family's divorce, an abusive boyfriend, self-esteem issues, etc.… I've made mistakes in my life that I cannot undo. Had I made better decisions, my friend E. would still be alive. His death was an accident, but it’s the terrible choices that I made that caused it. My parents are suffering as well. They’ve spent all these years without me. My nieces and nephew are growing up without me. They were born while I've been incarcerated. I worry about my dad because of his health. I just want to be home while he is still alive. I've lost an aunt while there. My grandpa just recently passed away. I can't bear to lose any more family while in here. But I keep messing up in here. Yes, I have received write ups. You don't understand the environment I have to live in. The women in here are petty, immature, users, thieves, followers, spiteful, full of drama, and can't be trusted. It's hard to stay out of trouble, not fight, or get caught up in such an environment. I have to stay in my room to myself just to get away from phony people who only want to take advantage of my kindness. I stay in my room and read, watch TV, do hobby craft, and my college work but it is so lonely. I feel like no one in here cares what I'm going through. That's why my mail means so much to me. As long as someone is writing to me, then I feel cared about. I will write back anyone who writes me. But it hurts so much when someone writes and gives up on me. I look forward to becoming someone's friend and then my hopes get crushed when the person stops writing. I NEED MAIL!! My biggest fear is being forgotten about. I need letters, visits, and people I can call collect. I need people that can print things from the Internet for me, people that will do Bible studies with me, people that will let me vent to them, and will encourage me. Most of all I need friends that will never give up on me. I am tired of always crying and feeling lonely. I hate having to race to sign up for the phone, or when others don't get off the phone in time, therefore shortening my own 15 minutes of phone time. I hate that all my loved one’s can’t even afford collect calls. I'm tired of the room raids, pat downs, yard downs, strip searches, violations of privacy, and a total lack of control I have as an inmate always being told what to do. I hate this place. I miss my family so much. I go to the parole board in December 2014. I am so scared because I do not know what will happen. I hear that lifers almost never receive parole on the first hearing plus, I have write ups in my C-file. I do have positive things as well, for example, my college degrees. I'm scared if I don't get good news the others will drop out of my life. It takes a lot of patience to stick by a lifer because the future is uncertain. But I need people in my life that will have that patience to continue to be in my life no matter what the outcome of my hearings are. Please pray for me. Please don't ever give up on me. Help ease the loneliness and pain I feel each day. Write me!
Inmate Blog Entry: Tuesday, February 24 2015

Inmate Blog Category:


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9


I saw the parole board 11/20/14 and I was denied parole for 5 years. I really thought I was going to be granted parole. And so did my family. I’ve really been going through it since my denial. I’ve been crying so much. I’ve been having a hard time adapting. My biggest fear is that people in my life will become impatient to me. I’m not looking for a romantic relationship because I need to focus on my freedom. I can’t afford to worry whether someone is jealous, possessive, or unsupportive of my friends. I need men and women in my life who’d write me and who only seeks friendship with me. I need lots of mail. I also need someone to send me stamps, and to print stuff from the Internet for me. I need supportive and encouraging people in my corner who will help me in my goals of obtaining freedom. Someone who won’t judge me, who loves nature, values honesty, and who loves to write a lot. My family told me to work on my 5 year plan so I can go home by my next hearing. I’m going to groups and classes and trying my hardest to stay disciplinary free. I go to “beyond violence” classes, and I started 12 step classes.
Inmate Blog Entry: Monday, October 5 2015

Inmate Blog Category: Update


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9
SETTING THE FACTS STRAIGHT

I want everyone to know that I am only looking for friends. I need to focus on my freedom, and a relationship will only be counter-productive to that goal. Someone commented that I am only looking for someone to give me money. This is not true. Yes, I do need someone to print stuff from the Internet for me. I am also hoping someone would be kind enough to help me get the books I need and want. But this is not why I am on this site. I need friends. If my Facebook has an update saying I need stamps, it’s because most people don’t send any when they write and expect that I’m able to afford them. If you live overseas, stamps are needed even more due to the higher postage rates. Are these requests too much to ask of others? I’m not trying to get anyone to take care of me financially. Books and printouts are a small request that helps me deal with my time. I’m the one that needs help and has to depend on others. It’s not as if I can go out and get a job to support myself. But, aside from all that, what I really need is a friend. I need people in my life that will be encouraging to me and help me get through this nightmare. I need lots of letters. Most people have no idea what it’s like in here. I can’t trust anyone in here. I have no privacy. It’s so damn noisy, and I rarely get any peace and quiet. Drama is normal in this place. And, I’m constantly homesick. I have one regular visitor. I hardly see my family except for my sister every once in a while. My mom comes on special holidays. I haven’t seen my dad and brother in so long. My nieces and nephew hardly know me. It really hurts. I do my best to stay strong. Another thing, I need people in my life that won’t judge me. I respect everyone’s religion. But, I prefer that people don’t quote verses from the Bible to me. There are so many Bible thumpers in here that like to pray out loud, quote verses, and act holier than thou, yet act like hypocrites. My spirituality is a private matter. I follow the cycles of the seasons, phase of the moon, and study everything about nature. I believe in Karma, the Three-Fold Law, and the Law of Attraction. I believe in love, family values, and respect. I love everyone for who they are, and expect to be loved for who I am. I am trying to better myself, because I don’t ever want to make the same mistakes again. I meditate daily, write in a journal, and even in a dream journal. As for my bisexuality, I need to set the record straight on that. I was not gay before coming to prison. I had a man I loved, who is no longer in my life. I wanted to have kids. I got involved with women in here out of loneliness, and I did fall in-love with women in here. My heart was broken, and I was used. I have tattoos of women’s names I regret getting and plan on getting removed when I get out. But, in reality, I’d prefer to be with a man when I go home. Though, my family and friends will be my first priority over a relationship once I gain my freedom. I have a lot of catching up to do with my loved ones. So, I hope this clears everything up for anyone new curious about writing me. I do look forward to hearing from some new friends.
Inmate Blog Entry: Wednesday, July 27 2016

Inmate Blog Category: Update


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9


I’ve been working on my parole plans, because of SB261, I can get a juvenile hearing when I go to the parole board. Even if you don’t want to write me, would anyone in San Diego be willing to help me get information from various places? If you live in San Diego, I’d appreciate it if you could go to colleges, therapists, re-entry programs and sober living/transitional homes, career centers, libraries, bus stops, and hospitals, and ask for brochures and pamphlets of the services they provide, so you can mail it to me. I need a meeting directory to 12 step classes in Southern San Diego. I especially need job offers. Anyone willing to save a job position for me? I have an Associate’s Degree in Accounting and in Business Management. I can start off in clerk jobs, a sewing industry, math tutoring, ect. I’m a quick learner and hard worker. I could be going to board anytime between “now to next year, so I’m trying to be prepared ahead of time. If you have any useful information, just write me, or pass my address along, I’d appreciate it very much. When I go home, I want to make it up to everyone, and do right by everyone. The first step is to just get out of this miserable place. But, I will give back to my community! I’m not the same person I was when I first came in here.
Inmate Blog Entry: Sunday, May 21 2017

Inmate Blog Category: Religion


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9
RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE

There is so much prejudice by others who don't take the time to understand another person's religion. Ignorance creates fear, and fear causes people to do hurtful and irrational things to other people. We all are human beings. We might have bodies in different shapes and sizes. We might have different taste in music, politics, came from different backgrounds, and have different religious views. But within us, we all bleed the same, and we are all spirits in a collective community. When one person does something it affects everyone. We have to live in harmony and not with bigotry. Regardless of what another person believes, each person deserves to live in peace. Mostly every religion believes that their religion is the one true religion. Throughout the ages, wars have been waged for a person's religious beliefs. These beliefs have been ingrained in people since childhood, and some found new paths. But no one can know for sure whose religion is the correct one, because none of us were there from the beginning of time. We only know what was passed down to us, and even that can't be verified. Not until you pass from this earthly life and find out what truly lies beyond this present existence of hours will you find out the truth. It doesn't matter if you are a Christian, Native American, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Wiccan, Odinist, Protestant, Catholic, etc. we are all responsible for our own soul. Just because someone doesn't believe the same thing as you doesn't mean they deserve to be treated with disrespect or hatred. Being a different religion isn't a contagious disease you can catch for just being around that person. Religion is a PERSONAL matter, not something to be PUBLICLY ostracized for. Regardless of what a person believes, we should all have religious tolerance. Religious tolerance doesn't mean you accept or believe the other persons viewpoint. It just means that you tolerate that the other person believes differently and that you accept them for who they are. That means treating others with love and not hatred. It means not bashing their beliefs. Because trust and believe, just as you have opposing opinions and arguments for why someone else's religion is wrong, they have their own arguments for why your religion is wrong as well. Harassing someone for their belief is a crime as well. Everyone has emotions and feelings. When you harass someone for the way they believe that causes disharmony between individuals and within a community. Attacking someone whether by verbal insults, fighting words, physically, etc., for the way they believe is an attack on a persons identity. No one should have to live with the fear that someone will judge them or treat them differently for the way they believe. Just think if it was your mother, daughter, sister, brother, father, son, friend, etc. would you want someone to bully them, or harm them for the way they believe? Verbal abuse toward someone, and calling them demon, or saying the religion is fake, and making them cry because you're biased towards them and their religion is still a HATE CRIME. This type of crime has a deep psychological effect on the victim of religious insults. It causes depression, anxiety, and can even lead to suicide or violence towards others. Religion should bring people together with love. The very doctrine you preach shouldn't be used as a tool to create disharmony among others. Don't judge lest you be judged accordingly. Do what you will as long as it harms none. Wouldn't you rather live in a world where everyone is kind to one another, and you treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated? Let us all coexist with one another in a world with peace, love, and understanding. Please show religious tolerance towards others.
Inmate Blog Entry: Tuesday, July 25 2017

Inmate Blog Category:


Nicole Bradley's Profile
Age: 39
Location: Corona, CA
Total Blog Entries: 9


I have a few updates. I had a family visit with my mom and sister on June 2nd thru June 5th. This was my first family visit and it was wonderful. I snuggled on the couch with my family and watched movies, we had family meals together, played basketball and I got to sleep on a real bed. For a little while I was able to pretend I was home with my family. I cried after they left. I need to be home with my family. Amazon.com has been temporarily suspended as a vendor to the prison. They didn’t give any explanation of why we can’t have books sent through Amazon anymore. Though, we can receive books from other vendors. Barnes and Noble might be the next best vendor. By the time this blog is posted we will have email access. They set up Jpay Kiosks in the dayroom for emailing and video chatting, among other things. Go to www.jpay.com to find out more info about emailing. I have been gardening. I am growing sunflowers, wildflowers, morning glories and many other flowers. I love gardening so much. I pamper my flowers and take real good care of them. When I go home I want to have my own garden. Here, I have to worry about people destroying plants and picking them, I have to worry about gophers and my only gardening tools are sticks and spoons. I even keep a gardening journal that I write in every day.




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