The time that I've wasted is my biggest regret, spent in these places I will never forget. Just sitting and thinking about the things that I've done, the crying, the laughing, the hurt and the fun. Now it's just me and my hard driven guilt, behind a wall of emptiness I allowed to be built.

I'm trapped in my body just wanting to run, back to my youth with its laughter and fun. But the chase is over and there's no place left to hide. Everything is gone including my pride. With reality suddenly right in my face, I'm scared, alone and stuck in this place.

Now memories of the past flash through my head and the pain is obvious by the tears that I shed. I ask myself why, and where I went wrong. I guess I was weak when I should have been strong.

Living for the drugs and the wings I had grown, my feelings were lost, afraid to be shown. As I look at my past it's so easy to see the fear that I had, afraid to be me. I'd pretend to be rugged, so fast and so cool, when actually lost like a blinded old fool.

I'm getting too old for this tiresome game of acting real hard with no sense of shame. It's time that I change and get on with my life, fulfilling my dreams for a family and wife. What my future will hold I really don't know but the years that I've wasted are starting to show.

I just live for the day when I'll get a new start and the dreams I still hold deep in my heart. I hope I can make it, I at least have to try, because I'm heading towards death and I don't want to die.

Dying daily comes easily, in these walls all alone. It's living without love that truly gnaws at the bones. I know love is still in me, deep in my heart, waiting to be shared, searching for the start.  So now my heart is out there, searching, I have to try.  Hoping my soul mate finds me, so together our hearts can fly.

I’m interested in sharing letters or emails with one of the many beautiful souls that I know is out there.  Besides sports activities I love reading books on ancient cultures and civilizations such as Meso-American, Mesopotamia, Egyptian, Asian, etc.  I can also read and write Spanish at a basic lee, and I can email also.  Great Spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds, though circumstance may warrant a barrier, spiritual growth and happiness is the righteous path to fulfill the journeys of life.

Have a beautiful day,

L. Frank Evans